Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Desperate to distract from the algae overwhelming the expensively-renovated Reflecting Pool, on Monday Donald J. Trump ordered Marco Rubio to skinny-dip in the green murk. Reportedly, Rubio was taken aback by the extraordinary demand, but Trump roared, “Little Marco, you’ve got to take one for the team.” By mid-morning, tourists gawking at the pool fiasco were stunned to see the Secretary of State doing a backstroke entirely naked except for his oversized Florsheims, which he appeared to be using as flippers. Harland Dorrinson, who had traveled with his family from Akron, Ohio, initially recoiled at the sight of the nude Rubio, but later noted, “At least it wasn’t JD.” TBR analyzes how The Revolutionary War, World War I, and other US conflicts would have gone if Trump had been at the helm. Get all the grisly details here.The Borowitz Report is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |